Childhood Lost

When I was younger,
My dreams led me through the stars.
I thought
They'd always take me far.
But now I've grown
And learned the evil ways of life.
It's full of pain and anger,
Misery and strife.
People have wondered
What the hell happened to me.
Some say I'm not the same
As I used to be.
They say they don't like
What I have become.
I guess that means
I'm not the only one.

One day I was pushed out
And told to be a man,
But nobody showed me how.
They just said, "Do the best you can."
No longer can I go back
And live among my past.
I wish I had known then
That it would not last.
Now I can drive, and I can drink,
I can vote, and I can shave.
But what's it all worth anyway
When I'm always told I must behave?
It's gotten me a numb mind
And thoughts of black and white.
The vivid-colored dreams are gone;
Filled in with facts of wrong and right?

       The freedom that
       I once had loved
       Has turned to a jail
       I can't break out of.
       Those cheerful times
       Of playing in the sun
       Is now a cell
       With nowhere to run.
       I hold a pen
       And not a bat.
       I sit on my ass
       Growing older, getting fat.
       Neighborhood friends have
       All moved away,
       Replaced by folks
       Eight hours a day.

              The open fields where I once played
              Are now concrete; they see no day.
              The pieces of my life are lesser than the sum.
              I absolutely despise all that I've become.
              I look inside my head and see
              There ain't much left of what I used to be.
              My carefree life has been replaced
              By a cynical and jaded face.
              The mirror reflects a broken man
              With strange thoughts in a foreign land.
              No longer are my dreams in me,
              Now it's nightmares in my sleep.
              And no one tucks me in no more.
              And no one sings me songs no more.
              It seems in life, a common cost.
              If nothing else, it's childhood lost.

---

Originally written:    October 6-24, 1998
Put online:    March 10, 2001
Discussion:    This is a poem, obviously, about growing up and the bitterness of adulthood that replaces the carefree child. I wrote it while in school, and it was published in UWGB's "Sheepshead Revue."


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