Here Lies One Who Dwelled in the Dark

I was told to pray,
For Christ died for my sins.
I tried, but nothing happened.
Somebody lied to me.

I was told to be a man,
Told not to fear,
Yet still I wept, and I felt great comfort.
Somebody lied to me.

I searched for the joy of life
And found it in my cryptic verses.
"You musn't speak of that," they said.
"One musn't spend so much time in the dark,"
But when I lit some black candles,
I brightened my entire life.
Somebody lied to me.

I was told to be not scared of the daylight,
But I bowed to the glare of the sunset
And anticipated the rise of the moon
And the dance of midnight shadows.
Someone said I'd feel much better
If only I'd get more sleep.
I tried, but it just brought more ghastly nightmares.
Somebody lied to me.

They said I was weird,
That my art wasn't right,
That I was much too morbid,
But black is a color, too,
And my nightmares
Of a dead girl holding a bloody doll
Outside my window weren't, as they insisted,
Just an illusion,
For the girl spoke, and I awoke with blood-covered hands.
Somebody lied to me.

They said the snows of winter cause problems,
But I saw how clean and crisp the earth became,
And how easily my breath flowed.
So I sought the cold
To find warm peace within it;
A lonely flame's soft glow
Amid the howling frigid wind,
The silent stars near enough to grasp,
Tears crystallizing as they fell.
Somebody lied to me.

I was told to bring flowers,
So I brought a single black rose.
I got a slap in the face in return.
They said I shouldn't touch the body,
So I kissed her pale lips one last time,
And my mind was made to be calm.
Somebody lied to me.

"Alone in a cemetery is not
A good way to spend one's free time," they said,
But when I did I felt more human.
I was told that she was dead,
But with my fingers on her gravestone,
I whispered to her, and I felt her reply.
For once rest came quickly that evening.
Somebody lied to me.

"You shouldn't be so cold-hearted," they said.
I let them in,
But, sadly, my soul was raped; my mind was pillaged.
My trust withered to nothing.
They said I should love,
But I couldn't when I was so detached and alone,
Hiding in the shadows.
Somebody lied to me.

Since early in my life
I was told that I could fly.
So I leapt just to see if they were right...
And nobody cried for me.

---

Originally written:    October 27, 2002
Put online:    November 24, 2002
Discussion:    This poem started out on October 16 with some very rough ideas. It became slightly more concrete in the days leading up to the actual writing. The poem is essentially a list of things that I have done or would do in a given situation (usually going against society's standards) and the results--showing that society, for me, is usually wrong. Lastly, I believe I have found my epitaph in the title of this poem. I think the phrase "Here Lies One Who Dwelled in the Dark" would make a great epitaph. And finally, here are two random lines that could have gotten into the poem but didn't:
This beautiful life? I disagree.
The joys of life? Ha! Somebody lied to me.
The poem above is the original version. The revised (and I think better) version can be found here.


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