Here Lies One Who Dwelled in the Dark

Agony

I was told to pray,
For Christ died for my sins.
I tried, but nothing happened.
Somebody lied to me.

I was told to be a man,
Told not to fear,
Yet still I wept, and I felt great comfort.
Somebody lied to me.

This beautiful life? I disagree.
The joys of life?
Ha!
Somebody lied to me.

They said I was weird,
That my cryptic verses weren't right,
But black is a color, too.
Somebody lied to me.

"Be not so cold-hearted," they said.
I sadly let them in.
My soul, raped! My mind, pillaged!
My trust, nothing!
How could I love,
So detached and alone,
Hiding in the shadows?
Somebody lied to me.

To feel much better
Is to get more sleep?
I tried, but it just brought more ghastly nightmares,
And those of a dead girl holding a bloody doll
Outside my window weren't just an illusion,
For the girl spoke,
And I awoke with bloodied hands.
Somebody lied to me.


Ecstasy

"Speak not so morbid," they said.
"Spend not so much time in the dark."
I lit some black candles and brightened my entire life.
I bowed to the glare of the sunset
And anticipated the rise of the moon
And the dance of midnight shadows.
Be not scared of the daylight?
Somebody lied to me.

They said the snows of winter cause problems,
But I saw how clean and crisp the earth became
And felt how easily my breath flowed.
So I sought the cold
To find warm peace within it;
A lonely flame's soft glow
Amid the howling frigid wind,
The silent stars near enough to grasp,
Tears crystallizing as they fell.
Somebody lied to me.


Requiem

Flowers were accepted,
So I brought a single black rose.
I got a slap in the face in return.
They said I shouldn't touch the body,
So I kissed her pale lips one last time,
And my mind was made to be calm.
Somebody lied to me.

"Alone in a cemetery is not
A good way to spend one's free time," they said,
But when I did I felt more human.
I was told that she was dead,
But with my fingers on her gravestone,
I whispered to her, and I felt her reply.
For once rest came quickly that evening.
Somebody lied to me.


Epilogue

Since early in my life
I was told that I could fly,
So I leapt just to see if they were right...
And nobody cried for me.

---

Originally written:    October 27, 2002; December 21, 2002 (revised)
Put online:    November 24, 2002; December 21, 2002 (revised)
Discussion:    This poem started out on October 16 with some very rough ideas. It became slightly more concrete in the days leading up to the actual writing. The poem is essentially a list of things that I have done or would do in a given situation (usually going against society's standards) and the results--showing that society, for me, is usually wrong. Lastly, I believe I have found my epitaph in the title of this poem. I think the phrase "Here Lies One Who Dwelled in the Dark" would make a great epitaph. The poem above is the revised version. The original (and I think worse) version can be found here.


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