Decay

Why must I be so down?
Why must I always wear a sorrowed crown?
Sometimes I grow so weary of life,
But somehow I've always found a way to stay around.

There's something wrong with my head,
Though I have yet to learn what.
I have aching fear in my heart,
Sickening loss in my gut.

I hate my mind;
I'm sure I'm quite insane,
Trapped behind gray uncaring eyes,
Borne of incessant pain.

I feel a lot like I don't belong,
That I'm not myself without my misery,
That spiders are my only true friends;
And I wonder who will ever miss me.

At a sunset painted with a solemn brush,
How can I be asked to suffer forever?
Naked for the world to see,
Perhaps I shall simply surrender.

I wander alone in the breath of the night,
Cold, wet, and shivering,
Longing for the last gasp of the sun,
And unable to stop these tears that are falling.

And sometimes in the morning,
When the warmth of the dawn falls upon my face,
It's too hard to find a reason
To stay alive another miserable day.

I realize how truly unhappy I really am.
It doesn't matter if I live or die,
For life and death taste the same to me,
So maybe I should just kill myself this time.

---

Originally written:    September 21, 2002
Put online:    September 22, 2002
Discussion:    Death, Depression, Insanity, and Suicide. These are a few of my favorite things...


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