'Tis the Season...To Be Pissed Off
Anyone that has read certain items on this site knows that religion is a constant source of irritation for me. This irritation is perhaps most evident during the Christmas season. When I was a child, I was all gung-ho about Christmas--waking up early and running downstairs on Christmas Day, etc. As I got older and spurned religion, Christmas went out the window along with the brainwashing.
As one can tell by the writing date below, it is currently the heart of the holiday season (which, this year, started roughly 23 seconds after Halloween)...And I'm pissed off. I flat-out stopped celebrating Christmas about four years ago. This means no presents, no decorations, and very little effort from me (read, no effort) to celebrate or get in the holiday spirit. Because of familial duties, however, I do still spend time with the parents/grandparents. I just show up when and where they tell me to, giftless, for a couple hours for a good meal.
Then there's the office Christmas party. The bottom line is, I have absolutely no business being at social gatherings (I don't belong there at all), but I attend, again, not because I want to, but because--as the manager--I have to. The 2002 Christmas party was held last night, and it's even more astounding that I agreed to go given last year's drunken fiasco where--because I don't drink--I ended up babysitting and eventually kicking everybody out of the party hall (for fear of arrests and/or legal repercussions). But I digress, and I won't bring up the 2001 party here anymore. The 2002 party on the other hand was very well-behaved.
One source of irritation during the season stems from shopping. First off, I despise shopping. My feeling usually is, if I can't order it off the Internet, I don't need it. There are times, unfortunately, when I do actually have to venture out into a store, but when I do, I'm on a mission. I know what I need, I know where to go, and I get it. Boom, boom, boom. I'm in and out in five minutes. I don't browse, I don't window shop, and I sure as hell don't stand there making life and death decisions of the free world between the $1.79 ugly Christmas ornament and the $1.89 ugly Christmas ornament. Just this past Friday (Friday the 13th in fact), I had to get Employee of the Month and birthday gift-certificates at one of the local malls. This is usually a rather uneventful task. That is until Christmas. Even during the week, parking sucks, though I'm young and healthy, so I don't really care about walking further than normal. The crowds suck, too. Don't you people have jobs? And how is it that I always get behind a blue-haired old lady that shuffles along at approximately 0.00035 MPH and stops at every single clothes rack to finger the garments?
When I finally got to the customer service desk, which is near the mall's stage (?), this year there was a children's choir singing Christmas songs. What? All the grade school concerts I was involved in were IN SCHOOL! Now, I'm all for music class (all hail the mighty recorder!), but the dumbing down of America continues. Get the fuck back to school, dammit. And stop singing Christmas carols. I hate Christmas carols, which brings me to...
Perhaps my greatest source of annoyance during the Christmas season is the radio. To begin with, I don't like most of the offal that radio stations commonly have to offer. Christmas songs (yes, those same dozen or so wonderful tunes that get played ad nauseum), aren't even the most pestering to me. Oh, no. Not by a long shot. A lot of times, it's the first thing I seem to hear when the clock radio goes off in the morning. It's commercials. Namely, jewelry commercials. "Tell her you'd marry her all over again." "Straight to the heart..." "Every kiss begins with Kay." "I want to be your jeweler." "For all those special times." "For now and forever." "I love how you love me." "Shut the fuck up!" Number one, I'll never buy jewelry (at least, nothing beyond a Victorian choker or something like that--certainly nothing one would find at a "fine jewelry" store). If, by some slip of sanity, I did actually buy fine jewelry, I'd make sure I didn't go to one of these advertised stores. The inane drivel they spew forth is amazing, and it's heard in constant rotation. Every time I hear one of those commercials, I want to drop trou' right then and there and piss on the radio.
To religious freaks and Cheaster Christians everywhere, this season is one of the most important times of the year. To me, it is a time to be pissed off. I'm assaulted by maniac shoppers and a steady barrage of auditory and visual propaganda. And so, as you sit around a tree begat by pagan tradion, I'll be listening to the soothing Christmas sounds of Immolation. And as you light a log begat by pagan tradition, I'll be lighting black candles. And as you pretend the world is happy and bright and life is wonderful and your God loves you, I'll be trying once again to prove to the world that my solitude is not loneliness.
Originally written:
December 15, 2002
Put online:
December 21, 2002
Discussion:
N/A
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