As I Bow to No God, So Shall I Bow to No Man
This essay is going to be very broad in its scope. It was prompted by some recent goings-on in the news, and other aspects were added to it. Although numerous specifics will be mentioned in this essay, general concepts, I believe, fit many names and/or situations (past, present, and surely future). I don't like much of mainstream or "pop" culture, and I won't make any attempts to hide this fact as several celebrities and their shenanigans will be skewered very shortly.
I'd like to start the body of this essay with some generalizations. Celebrities. Celebrities suck. Why some people are so interested in famous persons is way beyond me. I don't watch a lot of television, but every once in a while I flip through the channels to see how the other part of the world likes to keep itself entertained. Unfortunately, I stumbled over "Celebrities Uncensored" on the EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Channel. Dear reader, have you ever seen this crap? All it is is a collection of videos shot by paparazzi. First off, have our lives become so pointless, so meaningless that our only enjoyment comes from watching drunken celebrities falling down and getting into fights? Are we that numb? Second, leave these fucking people alone. The word "paparazzi" derives from an Italian word for a kind of buzzing insect. Yeah, well, you know flies are attracted to shit. I'm honestly not sure who is worse--the moronic celebrities or the photographers who incessantly feed the celebrity machine of delusions.
Since these celebrities are often on stage (i.e. interviews) and have a platform from which to speak their views, they often do. Yippee! As if they have any better ideas than anybody else. As if their ideas are more important. War? Well, sure, because somebody who starred in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" definitely has all the information necessary to decide whether or not we as a nation should go to war. Surely they have all the classified intelligence and can tell the rest of us what to think and what should be going on. You know what? Shut the hell up! Their politricks aren't much better either.
Before the 2000 presidential election, two local (local to where I live) DJs interviewed Cameron Diaz on their radio morning show. They do not (and/or did not) agree with her political views and confronted her. Amongst numerous other nonsensical statements, she proudly proclaimed that medicines are good. Well, slap my ass and call me Mildred! Duh! There's a brilliant revelation! Never heard that one before. Unfortunately, this is an all-too-common occurrence. Celebrities are too self-absorbed to realize they sound like idiots and not everybody cares about or believes the crap they're spewing. When confronted, they sound like bumbling morons because they are rarely challenged and aren't intelligent enough to figure out how to deal with the opposition when they are challenged. If, dear reader, after reading this essay or anything else on my website for that matter, you go away with nothing else, just at least go away with this: Please, think for yourself!
Pseudo-celebrities. These people are worse than actual celebrities. This is the "fifteen minutes of fame" crowd, made famous (or infamous) by a brief stint on TV, sexual indiscretion, or a crime. "Reality" TV is full of these shells (just a body; no substance). With voyeurism at an all-time high, it's hard to believe anyone can call this crap "reality." It sure as hell ain't my reality. I'm really glad I'm too busy and uninterested to watch much television. These people have done nothing. These people have made nothing. These people have no talent. Yet, they are famous. And the queen of the pseudo-celebrities...drum roll, please...Paris Hilton. Jesus H. Goddamn Motherfucking Tap Dancing Christ! I don't even know where to begin with this woman! She has absolutely no redeeming social value whatsoever, and she is famous only for the sake of being famous and for being a ragingly whorish party animal! She doesn't do anything; she doesn't create anything; she has no friggin' talent! Non-stop partying and having promiscuous sex is NOT a talent. She is a vile, vacant, vacuous, vapid, skanky, scrawny-ass little slut who has the body of a 12-year-old boy who isn't even at all attractive to begin with. Why people are clambering for her sex video I'll never know. Daddy has $450 million, so she gets to be famous. This almost makes sense. That money ought to come in handy for getting rid of her syphed-up crabs. Damn, dude! I can't wait 'til she crashes and burns. She'll go hard-down quickly. Whew. I need some water...
"American Idol." Now there's a show for pseudo-celebrities. Whose idol? Not my idol! I've never even see the show, so I sure as hell don't give a rat's ass about any of these people. Music should be about dedicating oneself to one's craft. It should not be about choreography and dancing around like a pack of medicated chimps and impersonal lyrics written by some hump in a boardroom. Music created by a computer with vocals filtered through 32 different effects mixers should not be rewarded. Music should be about years of sacrifice and slugging it out in the trenches. This is one of the many reasons why I like metal so much. A one-hour television show should not be the entity to determine what is played on the radio ad nauseam.
Next target? Michael Jackson. Oh boy. His coverage here will be brief. Just one look at this freak should be enough to scare anybody away but apparently not. Guilty or innocent of his current sex abuse charges, I don't know. This isn't my decision to make. I will, however, say this. The parents of Jackson's child visitors are insane for allowing their children to visit him. They know this stuff is going on (or at least the possibility is there that this stuff is going on), and yet they're still allowing these visits to take place. What the hell? Who's the parent here? Who is the responsible one making the decisions? Who is the protector? It's like the scandals with the Catholic priests. Has it ever crossed anyone's mind that perhaps we shouldn't continue entrusting our children to these idiots?
Certainly there are people ("famous" people) that I would like to meet. They aren't terribly well-known and would never be seen on some celebrity machine channel. I'd like to meet them and have a meaningful conversation with them because they have (or have had) a significant influence or impact on my life, not because they are the flavor of the day. Edgar Allan Poe (yes, I know he's dead), David Gilmour, Roger Waters, Phil Anselmo, Tarja Turunen, Mikael Åkerfeldt, Aaron Stainthorpe, Tchort, Stijn Van Cauter, and numerous unlisted others are all people I'd like to meet for one reason or another, mainly because I enjoy, respect, and appreciate their artistic creations. It should be noted, however, that there is a big difference between admiring someone and damn-near urinating on yourself when meeting said person. Please, try to control yourself and have a little goddamn dignity.
Mindless sheep are everywhere, blindly following the likes of Oprah, Dr. Phil, any overpaid entertainer, any overpaid performer, any overpaid athlete, and other similar personalities. Just because they are on TV or doing whatever it is that they do does not mean one should follow what they are saying. Oprah should not be able to nearly single-handedly determine which books end up on bestseller lists. Now, I fully realize that these folks have the freedom to say whatever it is that they want (more on this shortly). This I know, and with this I don't have a problem. However, what I do have the problem with is others (the public) mindlessly following without thinking things through and without exploring alternative, perhaps more informed, viewpoints. That, and taking this information (perhaps incorrect information) as gospel. This is why I like "South Park" so much. It is at its best when it takes on someone who is way too full of himself or herself. It's awesome when the show skewers someone (Barbra Streisand is one of the favorite targets). Plus the kids are usually smarter than the adults, but I digress.
I am lucky enough to live in the greatest country on the face of the Earth. As a citizen of the United States, I am allowed the privilege of speaking my mind, no matter what that may be. This freedom of speech gives me the ability to write what you are currently reading. Not only write it, but also not have to worry about the government coming after me because I may not agree with their views. With this freedom, I believe, comes a responsibility to not confuse the meaning of "freedom of speech." A recent example of this comes from the Dixie Chicks.
During a concert, the Dixie Chicks spoke out against the war in Iraq, President Bush, etc. They were met with a public backlash, boycotting, and so on. They then had an interview where they were whining that their rights of free speech were being trampled upon, blah, blah, blah. No, their freedom of speech was just fine. There was a public backlash. Had the government imprisoned them (without a trial, by the way) and murdered their families in response to what they said, then their liberties would have been trampled upon. As it were, I'm sure President Bush could have cared less about their comments. With freedom of speech comes a risk. It is that, with freedom, one may speak unpopular speeches. This country was founded on unpopular speech and ideas. Just because not everyone agrees with you does not mean your freedom is being taken away. Quite the contrary. Does the middle-aged, ill-informed woman in Nebraska who watches 13 hours of television each day while lying around in her bathrobe realize this after (or even before) seeing the Dixie Chicks' interview? Unfortunately, I tend to believe not. Again I bring up the Cameron Diaz incident. When celebrities--so accustomed to being coddled--are met with opposition, they don't know how to handle it, and the situation usually turns out poorly and/or grossly misguided. Obviously I personally don't have the reach of the Dixie Chicks, but I'm sure the views expressed on my web page would be considered unpopular by many people. This is of no concern to me. I'm not crying "Unfair!" or stopping my work because of this. I'm not backpedaling on any statements I have made. Thus I battle on. This nation would not exist if people didn't stand up and persevere in the face of adversity.
I seem to have gone off on a bit of a tangent there, and for that I apologize. I will now bring things back to my final case. I work for a company that is part of a franchise system. Every few months the franchiser stops by to see how things are going, share ideas, and so on. (As a side note, nearly anyone in business can tell you how well corporate's "ideas" translate to the real world. Yeah. They don't! But I digress yet again.) Many people in the office get all concerned about these visits and do their fair share of ass-kissing. Not me. I don't care. It's business as usual for me, except everything is more of a hassle because everybody else is all weirded out by the visitations. The most recent one was no exception.
I have long hair. Clearly, as all reasonable people know, any male with long hair is a damn dirty hippie. Of course! (Sarcasm Alert!) One of the franchiser's representatives alluded to the fact that I have lengthy locks and asked how much contact I have with customers. In response to this, other people may have rushed right out and gotten a trim (if, of course, their hair had even grown to reach the middle of their back in the first place). Me? Not a chance. Scissors and my hair don't mix. It remains mid-back length to this day. As I bow to no god, so shall I bow to no man. I generally like what I have done with my life so far, and I will continue to choose the path I shall go. Certainly I will do my best to be a productive member of society, but at the same time I will do what I can to call that society into question. People like me lurk around in the shadows, largely unnoticed and anonymous.
OK, that's it! That's enough irritation for one essay. I think I'm done. All that and I didn't even listen to one Pantera CD while I was writing it. Amazing. After reading this essay, you may think I'm right. You may think I'm wrong. That's fine with me. Again, if you go away from this essay with nothing else, just please go away with this. Think for yourself. Try to look at as many sides of an issue as you can before making a decision. It starts with turning off the television, shunning pop culture, and refusing to follow idiots. Don't be that misinformed woman in Nebraska. I invite you to join me in the shadows. It's comfortable here.
Originally written:
November 28, 2003; December 26-27, 2003
Put online:
December 28, 2003
Discussion:
N/A
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